"What God wants is
not your ability,
but your availability."

The following testimony is the story of my own vocation, which i offer as one of many examples of the apostolic backgrounds of our seminarians.

God blessed me abundantly with very good parents and 11 brothers and sisters. To keep the bills paid and food on the table, my father was up early every day and put in a long day of work at a plumbing warehouse. It was from him that i received a sense of responsibility and hard work but, as he was not Catholic, it was from my mother that i received the precious gift of the Catholic faith.

Being a strong and informed Catholic, my mother spared no effort in raising a thoroughly Catholic family. She saw that all 12 children never missed a Sunday Mass. Each evening she would gather everyone together, including visiting friends, and pray the rosary. She even took the family to confession once a month.
My mother made sure we learned the catechism of the Church. In the early 1970’s, when the Catholic school we were attending was teaching strange ideas in opposition to Catholic teaching, mom pulled us out and sent us to the public schools. When asked why she had done this she said, “My kids will be better off hearing people speak against the Church who are not in the Church rather than those who are its teachers.” After this she organized our own catechism classes at home. I’m sure that it was through these things, but especially through the prayers of my mother, that God planted the seed of my vocation.
The strong religious formation of my childhood set my life heading in a safe direction by directing my interests towards wholesome ends. I did most of the things your average American kid does when growing up: little league baseball, violin lessons, boy scouts, morning paper delivery, ROTC, Future Farmers of America, boys club, high school and league soccer. Of these things i mostly became interested in sports and did well in them, spending a large part of my youth on baseball and soccer fields.

During these years I practiced my faith more out of habit than anything else. I suppose like everyone else in the family, knowing that it was the right thing to do and not much more than that, i simply climbed into the station wagon every Sunday and ended up at Mass. The faith for me was essentially to know about God through the catechism and obey His laws. It had not yet matured to the point of a loving relationship between 2 persons. But this would all change by my junior year at El Cajon Valley High School. During that year i discovered God in a personal way and began to practice the faith out of my own conviction.
This deepening of my faith came to pass after God had first prepared my soul at length to receive Him. Through the reading of spiritual books. i experienced a gradual spiritual awakening in my life. While looking for things to read, at least just as interesting as the biographies of Brooks Robinson and Pele’, i stumbled across the lives of the saints. By reading about people like St. John Bosco, Walter Ciszek and St. Maximillian Kolbe i was, little by little, won over to these men of God and began wondering if i could be like them.

During my early high school years, besides reading the lives of some saints, a few other things helped to nourish the seed of my vocation. A friend of the family went to seminary. His example suggested to me the real possibility of giving my life to God in a similar way. But after a while i next heard that this young man had left the seminary a little disillusioned and weaker in his faith. He had been exposed to some bad teachings. These things ended up affecting me so deeply that they stuck with me like echoes which resounded when i thought about serving God.

It also happened that sports injuries and a bicycle accident caused me to reconsider my ideal in life to be the best in soccer. The injuries encouraged me to read all the more and ponder what i wanted to do with my life. I then read the story of Our Lady of Fatima that cut straight to my heart. Henceforth, Our Lady’s challenge was ever before me. “Do you wish to offer yourself for the conversion of sinners?” I had no doubt that Our Lady was inviting not only Lucia, Jacinta and Francesco to save souls, but me too! I answered “yes” and offered my life for the salvation of souls. But this was not enough for me. Longing to do more, i began begging God to “call me to do something great for the salvation of souls.”

By the end of my sophomore year my spiritual reading had blossomed into prayer. It began by pausing to think about what i had just read and ended with words whispered to God between paragraphs. “God, i want to be like these heroic men. Take and use me as you used these great saints.” The stage was now set for me to hear God’s call.

That summer, before my junior year in high school, i attended a 30-day retreat in Los Angeles, which became the turning point in my life. The heart of the retreat was perpetual eucharistic adoration. Each night, at 2 or 3 a.m., i visited Our Lord in the chapel. These solitary visits were previous moments because through them i was overwhelmed by the realization of Jesus’ true presence in the Eucharist and His personal love for me. Upon discovering Jesus’ love, i poured out my heart and vowed to totally give my life to Him. I returned home a changed person.

For the next couple of years i felt as if my life had entered into a holding pattern. I could hardly wait to leave everything behind and venture forth to conquer the world for Christ but i was painfully aware that i first had to finish high school. Remaining at home and finishing school was a great exercise of my patience so i made the best of my situation. From that point on, i would prepare to be a priest of missionary or something like that.

My hunger for God made me lose my appetite for sports which had been an all-consuming passion. Then i set out to make a spiritual program of my own which had the same intensity i had once devoted to sports. I got up early every day for morning prayers and then either walked or rode a bike a couple of miles to attend Mass, saying the rosary on the way. After Mass it was off to school another couple of miles away. After school it was off to another Church where i never missed my holy hour before Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. I was so intent on making my holy hour that even when the Church was locked i would remain standing at the door of the Church for an hour in prayer.

It was during these years when i met some members of Miles Jesu on one of their typical apostolic journeys. At first i didn’t think seriously about joining up with them but, as time passed and they kept in contact with me, i realized that God was calling me to join them. They were the only examples i knew of deeply spiritual men actually living out what was for me only a dream of a life totally dedicated to God.

Finally that much anticipated day arrived and i graduated form El Cajon Valley High School in June of 1979. Only 2 weeks later i was on my way to Virginia to join Miles Jesu. I knew God was calling me and i didn’t want to waste a moment in responding. At that time, although i came to Miles Jesu with the hope of studying for the priesthood, i knew that God simply wanted me to be in Miles Jesu. My attitude was that i would do what i understood to be God’s will and make an act of faith about everything else. I trusted that, if God wanted me to be a priest, He Himself would surely bring this about. At that time there were no more than a dozen members of Miles Jesu and only one priest.

The Miles Jesu community impressed me as a group of men seriously committed to becoming saints. I quickly saw that everyone was sincere and determined to serve God no matter what the cost. In the presence of these Miles Jesu members I felt like a small boy among giants in the spiritual life and, from the first moments of entering, i somehow knew that i was at home and that God wanted me to be part of this family. Little did i know that this group of courageous men would soon spread throughout the whole world and that God had called me to be a part of that mission.

During my first year and a half of community life in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, God saw that it was good to put my patience to the test again. I spent that time in all kinds of odds-and-ends jobs. There were endless hours of cutting, chopping, and stacking firewood. On top of this, i cleaned the house, fed the chickens, painted, put up dry wall, repaired fences, cooked, did laundry, helped sink some wells and picked peaches to help supplement the income of the community. In these things i grew in appreciating the value of simply doing whatever God wanted.

Then i received my first assignment. From 1980 to 1982 i worked at St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Ireland, Indiana. It was rural parish of 450 families amid the rolling hills of southern Indiana. Another Miles Jesu member and myself were assigned to full time employment in the parish. We were up to our necks with work and i loved it. I taught 4th and 12th grade religious classes, conducted the parish music, initiated and helped run the parish youth group, trained the altar boys, and did parish visitation work. On the side, as we were living in the parish rectory, we also did a lot of things involving the everyday running of a parish. We printed the Sunday bulletin, cleaned the Church, did office work, and took care of the sacristy and more.
Toward the end of my work at St. Mary’s, the General Director of Miles Jesu called me to visit Gallup, New Mexico, and asked if i would start a national retreat program for youth. He didn’t need to say much because i was quickly sold on the idea. For about the next 3 years, up until 1985, i dove into this work with a passion. The work entailed extensive travel throughout the USA speaking to thousands of youth. During those years we conducted about 35 retreats in 18 states.

In the beginning stages of the work, a retreat team was put together of 4 Miles Jesu men all in our early twenties. We got an old beat-up van and were soon on the open road anywhere between Long Island, New York, and Hollywood, California. The organization for each retreat was simple yet demanding. Usually after days and nights of highway driving we arrived at a parish and wasted no time. The plan was to intensely beat the bushes for a week, promoting the retreat and visiting the youth. By the weekend, 20 to 40 youth would usually show up with their sleeping bags for the retreat. Most of them came simply because they were curious. Now, after a demanding recruiting week, the real work began. We had 72 hours to persuade a room full of skeptical teenagers to give their lives totally to God!

Each retreat had threefold purpose. First, we introduced the youth to Jesus really present in the Blessed Sacrament and gently urged them into a heart-to-heart conversation with Him. We used inspiring testimonies to help do this, besides explaining and having perpetual adoration throughout the weekend. Second, we gave a thorough instruction on the sacrament of confession and coaxed each youth into making a confession of all the sins of his past life. An important aspect of this instruction was an in-depth moral teaching, complete with questions and answers, clarifying what is a sin and what is not. Third, we seriously challenged the youth to make changes in their lives and henceforward to regularly pray and go to the sacraments.

With these 3 aims clearly in mind, we launched into each retreat and used every tool at our disposal to reach these ends. To persuade the youth we befriended them and literally used music, humor, sports and strong talks. No effort was spared to reach the hearts of these youth. For instance, after all the retreatants went to bed each nigh,t we would stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning discussing each retreatant name by name to find the best way of helping each person.

After the retreat work, by 1985 i got involved in promoting Miles Jesu membership among adults throughout the USA. Another Miles Jesu member and myself traveled across the country organizing groups and teaching people about the spirituality and apostolate of the laity. Then i spent about 9 months in Spain involved in similar work.

Next i was asked to serve for 2 years as the private secretary to the General Director of Miles Jesu and was appointed to a 6-year term as a general advisor on the general government of Miles Jesu. During these years a whole new world opened up to me. I had the opportunity to travel in Europe and Asia and meet many prelates of the Catholic Church, including the Holy Father. I learned much about the vocation and mission of Miles Jesu. These years gave me an apostolic education in prudence, diplomacy and how to think globally.
Toward the end of 1988, to the end of 1991, i was asked to help promote vocations and give formation in the Miles Jesu house in Chicago, Illinois. At that time Fr. Tom Cahill and i worked as a team encouraging young men to join Miles Jesu. We went to various Catholic conferences and spread the word about Miles Jesu, advertised in papers and gave retreats to anyone interested. Later on, after seeing that tour retreats were bearing fruit in inspiring young men to pursue vocations, we developed what we called the “orientation week”.

The “orientation week” was essentially a one-week explanation of the Miles Jesu way of life. It was based on the presupposition that the Miles Jesu way of life is so attractive that, if it was well explained and experienced, it would surely inspire young men to join. Along with an in-depth explanation of Miles Jesu, we added an instruction on confession, Ignation meditations, a nightly discussion on the discernment of vocation, perpetual adoration and private talks with the retreatants. For about 10 days the Miles Jesu community atmosphere was recreated for a handful of young men inquiring about their vocations. Thanks be to God this work bore fruit. To this day Miles Jesu has in her ranks a number of dedicated lay apostles from this work.

In December of 1991, i was assigned to work in Ukraine, where i remained until the end of 1994. Here i helped develop the Institute and its apostolates as the Regional Director of Miles Jesu for Eastern Europe. Part of this work entailed the acquiring and renovating of properties, recruiting vocations, developing youth groups, raising income and giving formation.

One of the many apostolates we developed in Eastern Europe was a national music ministry, which ended up reaching millions of listeners. Not expecting that our work would have such an impact, we simply started by translating and writing a few religious songs, the writing or singing of which could have landed you in Siberia in the former Soviet Union. As we continued composing and playing music at our youth group meetings, we found that the youth were inspired by the music and that there was a real need for it. Before long, Igor Shevchuk, Vitaly Daniluk, Steve Ryan and myself were busy putting music to the many beliefs of our Catholic faith. Then we took our music on the road.

Our first concert was officially given in the village of Bortniky in 1993. Since then we have given concerts all over western Ukraine, been on television and radio, played for full halls and once for an almost empty one. We gave concerts in outdoor stadiums and cracker boxes, in daytime and nighttime, but always trying to perform them for the love of God, the Church and the young folks. We gave 1-hour, 2-hour and even 5-hour concerts complete with comedy skits and testimonies. We even produced 2 studio cassettes, which have been sold in Ukraine, Poland and the United States.

The aim of each concert was to help youth discover a life of prayer. We found that inspiring music and strong testimonies between the songs was an ideal way of doing this. By the end of each concert, we’d walk everyone through an intimate conversation with God and use music to persuade the youth to speak with God and come back to Him.

These concerts went to the hearts of the young people. After one concert in Ternopyl, a young lady came up with a beautiful smile on her face. She told how her parents had thrown her brother out of the house because he was retarded. She moved out as well to take care of him. “Some mornings are very black,” she said, “but first thing when I get up I play your cassettes and the music changes my whole mood, especially “We Are a Family in Jesus Christ.’ I sing it for the rest of the day.” Another young man came all the way from eastern Ukraine after hearing one of our songs on the radio. This youth was actually on his way to commit suicide because of the oppression he experienced in his family. After hearing our song “Rejoice, Rejoice” (about the return of the prodigal son to his father), the young man was moved to venture all the way to L’viv and join us in giving concerts.

In the city of Novi Yavorisk we had a crowd of 3000 with older folks in attendance too. After the concert, an old man came up with tears in his eyes. “Thank you, thank you all. Thank God for every one of you. I was 13 years in Siberia and I never thought I would live to see this day, a day when Americans would be together with our Ukrainians singing and talking about the Church and the Blessed Virgin Mary .. Thank you, thank you again.”

In the beginning of 1995, while in Chicago, i was asked by the General Director of Miles Jesu if i was interested in studying and preparing for the priesthood. As i had been interested in the priesthood for many, years i said yes. Although i already had the interest to be a priest, i had not been willing to act on this until it was clear to me that God wanted it. I knew that my vocation was to a life of total availability to the Catholic Church in Miles Jesu. I saw the priesthood as only one of many possibilities within my Miles Jesu vocation. As a matter of fact, during this same trip to Chicago, i was asked if i’d like to study to be a lawyer to which i readily agreed. Then, only weeks later, i was asked about the priesthood. Being asked by my superiors if i would like to prepare for the priesthood was a sign of God calling me to this service in the Church.

When my superiors approached me about the priesthood, i perceived that God was at the center of their initiatives. I understood that all the events of my life first had to come to pass before embarking on the road to the priesthood and that now God was asking me to love Him further by taking this step in my life. I entered the Miles Jesu seminary with Joe Knoll in February 1995. We were both ordained Catholic priests on the feast of the Assumption, August 15, 2001

In sharing my testimony i highlighted some details of my apostolic background. This was done to portray the apostolic training typical to every member of Miles Jesu. Consequently, each Miles Jesu seminarian enters his preparation for the priesthood already forged into a lay apostle.